Today is one of those days when there are so many things to do and all of them feel somehow scary. The best strategy I have is to plough into something anyway. So I’m writing this blog post even though I’m worried about how it will turn out and what people will think of it. I’m not going to wander off down those rabbit holes!

The other thing that helps me on these days is to remember that what I’m doing to keep on top of life is hard. Once my said that I looked tired and asked how I was. I explained that it was a day when managing my diabetes was difficult. I’d been bouncing between high and low blood sugars both of which are exhausting.

Then, as I always do, I reminded myself that it isn’t really very long since type 1 diabetes was a terminal illness. Before injectable insulins I would have literally wasted away and died within a couple of years. My immune system has destroyed the insulin producing cells in my pancreas and yet I’m still alive thanks to medical science so I’m really lucky.

Her response?

“That’s all well and good but it’s also important to acknowledge that its hard to live with sometimes.”

I’m still very grateful to the researchers and medics who keep improving treatment and giving me a better quality of life. However managing my type 1 diabetes is hard work and it is unrelenting.

Living with Type 1 Diabetes

It’s not just blood tests and injections and caring for my feet.

What’s my blood glucose, how much carbohydrate did I eat,?

What exercise have I just done and what do I plan to do?

Am I sick or fighting off a bug and is my period due?

If it’s carbs and I bolused for it it can’t be left on my plate.

I’m meant to inject ahead of time but what if dinner’s late?

Then it’s two hours later and I should test again.

Am I within the range I need or must I calculate again.

If I’m high a correction does and any snack must be carb free.

I’m hungry, tired and scratchy and I need to go and wee.

If the number’s in the range the we ask which way I’m going.

At least now I’ve a CGM so the answer to that is showing.

If I’m low my brain runs slow I’m shaky tired and weak.

Many times I’ve eaten the wrapper too when I couldn’t unwrap the sweet.

The signs of lows more subtle now after years of trying to manage.

But if I fail to spot and treat my brain would take the damage.

I may have to stop and manage things no matter what I’m doing.

At work or school or walking home or even if I’m wooing.

When things are tough I set alarms to test during the night.

Better to have a broken night than be dead before it’s light.

Having diabetes doesn’t bar me from the race.

But try to ignore it and I’ll sink without a trace.

Diabetes doesn’t rule my life but it has a major part.

Science is keeping me alive and I live with a full heart.

 

On mental health wards I was often frustrated when nurses told me that I couldn’t expect them to cope with letting me have my insulin on time as they were busy. For me it has to be a priority all the time. Working, socialising, sleeping, when I’m sick, when I’m coping with flashbacks, when I’m caring for children and yes even when I’m busy. I am expected to do it and everything else all my life. I didn’t choose it. I often don’t like it but when it slips things get worse and worse.

Being pregnant my control needs to be much tighter to protect my baby. I had to talk to the team months before I began trying to conceive to give my child the best chance. There are many activities that I dropped out of as I had not found a way to keep my blood glucose stable in the hours after them and this child is my priority. I attend more hospital appointments than I want and have to accept a birth plan that would otherwise have been my last choice.

I am extremely grateful to be alive to carry this baby and that medicine has progressed so I have a chance to give birth to a healthy child. I also acknowledge though that being pregnant with chronic health conditions is really hard for both me and my husband and there are days like today when we really feel it.