The sun is shining the sky is blue and the wilderness near us is in lush growth, easy it get lost in.  Its a strange time of year. One where I find myself looking both back and forwards. It’s easy to get lost in that too!

Four years ago this month I was leaving hospital after the events I describe in ‘Sectioned’. A year later I was being discharged from a PICU again. I remember my named nurse promising that we would avoid it being the same date. In the end the tribunal service set the date and discharged me. So much has happened since then.

There have been up and downs but it’s been worth it. In those admissions I’d learned that I am good at knowing what I need and to be wary of expert opinions especially when they ignore large parts of the picture. With my parents financial help I found a therapist outside the NHS to break the deadlock of “you need therapy to get better but it’s too risky to attempt it in the community and you get worse in hospital.” She helped me nurture and integrate many frightened young parts of myself. We worked together till she died. So many memories, so many people it’s easy to go on looking back as my son sleeps at my breast.

August though is also a time for new beginnings. I guess that is left over from all the academic years I’ve been part of. Last night I woke from a nightmare but lay awake figuring out the kind of colouring/ puzzle book that I’d have liked to be given when I was ill. Today I began the project, as well as working on my current book of stories which will include The Tigers Eyelash, Olga and Baba Yaga and The Corpse Bride with many others. Plans for a second edition of sectioned, plans of things to do with my son, plans with my husband for our home dreams for the future.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the past and future and miss this August right now here with my baby son, my husband the sun shining and the buddleia in flower.  I’m off to make the most of it by being present!